That’s what The Pioneer headline screamed, echoing Indian Defence Minister George Fernandes’ estimate of the death toll in the Gujarat earthquake. Yet another case of the National Indian English Media (NIEM) going berserk when tragedy or triumph strikes. Hyped-up numbers were also trumped up in the days immediately following the disasters in Latur and Orissa. In the end, is not exaggerating (even if innocently) the numbers of the dead and maimed somewhat like crying wolf?

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The NCERT (National Council for Educational Research and Training), India’s premier syllabus-making body, now plans to include Sai Baba’s teachings in the curriculum, says an Asian Age report. One can only worry for the young ‘uns, is all I’ll say. In the same item, Union Education Secretary M.K. Kaw is reported saying, in defence of the NCERT move, that Islamic and Christian theology were written by people who “had not heard of the Web or the cellphone or inter-planetary travel”. Meaning the Sai Baba has. Kaw Kaw.

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Why does Bollywood have to prove that it is made up of patriotic Indians (Hindu and Muslim, no less)? Anti-Pakistan propaganda should be left for the government. And just as we have had enough of handsome Indian heroes and curiously Chinese-looking ISI agents prancing about Kashmir (and getting killed), it turns out that Lollywood is moving in for the counter-attack. One of its weapons is a film titled Musalman, and as one of its Musalman stars puts it, “will overshadow Indian movies made on the same theme”. Har har, don’t we know the quality of Pakistan’s celluloid output? But since this one has Zeba Bakhtiar, I wonder if it is not worth suffering through. Lady once acted in a Raj Kapoor “banner”, as they say, didn’t she?

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An unusual competition deep down south in Bangalore. A certain Jaganath has won hands down in the milking contest organised by Bangalore Nagara Gopalakara Sangh. Hats off to the champion farmer who milked 35.95 kg at one go. But should this prize have gone to the human, or the bovine?

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Across the breadth of unlettered South Asia, come election time(s) and the most cherished election symbol is the plough, for obvious reasons. So it was not unusual for two Bangladeshi parties to be fighting it out for this farming instrument, for a by-election in the Khulna district. Thankfully, neither of them got it. The Jatiya Party (Ershad) was given the butterfly, and the Jatiya Party (Mizan-Monju) got the television. Tee hee.

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If you thought game hunting is a barbaric sport and one that should be banned, you don’t know Pakistan. Here’s a three-column ad for Shaheen Cartridge, which promises to “always hit the target”. Good news for bad hunters.

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Haven’t come across this one before: a donkey and pony show. So it’s not only dogs who have their day, at least in scenic Swat Valley. But The News headline writer is properly cautious; the headline specifically mentions that only “well-kept” donkeys and ponies attended. Chettria Patrakar’s sympathies to all the stray and shabby ones that missed out.

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Ah-ha, this one’s a delectable survey. There’s this body in Pakistan, Gallup Pakistan, as I told you last month, which excels in surveys of all kinds. The latest one says that it was pakora which was the most popular snack doing the rounds at iftar parties across Pakistan, followed closely by chaat. And it seems pakora was more sought after by the women than the men. Is there anything here for some research thesis on the lines of “The common pakora’s role in gender relations”? If you don’t see me, you can find me in the pakora line.

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Three cheers for South Asian unity! The good news is that all of South Asia will have uniform telephone rates, common driving license and a similar cellular telecom system, as decided at a SAARC meeting. The bad news is that I will believe it when I see it happen.

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this one’s highly commendable, an inter-school debate contest held at New Delhi in the memory of Pakistani development guru Mahbub ul Haq. In the picture are the winners posing with Madam Sonia Gandhi.

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The editor of the staid (actually by now, boring) old lady of Nepal’s English language journalism, The Rising Nepal, was sent on a junket by the yanks, on their International Visitors Programme. The IVP has journalists salivating to be the chosen ones like no other junket. It is better than a Neiman, even, because it requires no work at all, just nodding heads and asking inconsequential questions. But even the IVP does pale after the 12th city and the umpteenth Holiday Inn, as I am sure our very serious editor will find out.

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Never thought it would come to this. Kerala’s famed Sri Krishna temple at Guruvayur is planning to sue Internet firms (poojaonline.com, poojaprasadam.com and sharnam.com) for selling the temple’s prasadam online. Apparently, the temple administration is worried about the spiritual taintedness of these offerings, and so it is coming up with its own official Website to cater to the “high demand for sanctified offerings on the Net”.

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Sorry if I repeat myself. But everytime I receive my complimentary copy of the official UNHCR magazine (a glossy, really) called Refugees, I riffled through the pages to see if at least this one has some story about the Lhotshampa, the Bhutanese refugees who are still camped there in Southeast Nepal. Five years it has been at least, and I may have missed a copy or two, but I have seen nary a mention of the hundred thousand refugees whom UNHCR supports. Why are they so invisible to UNHCR, I wonder? Now what if there were Nepali refugees camping out in exotic Bhutan? Now that would make a story, wouldn’t it?

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Here is something which should teach the South Block sahebs a thing or two, the next time Indian authorities go blind with rage when they say inviolable Indian territory is being innocently mismarked by some publisher or other. They should know that self-confidence of a nation is shown when you pretend to overlook a mismarked map rather than threaten to set the dogs loose on the offending publisher. For true forward-looking-ness, check this map of the Mekong Tourism Authority, which seeks to promote the travel industry in the Mekong watershed area. What you will be surprised to see is that a province of China, Yunnan, is included together with the other legitimate nations states, from Burma to Vietnam. In fact Yunnan is made to look like an independent country, and not a province of the larger PRC. Clearly this is okay with China, which, as I said, proves its self-confidence. It is only in South Asia that those weak at heart rant and rave as they do.

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Abracadabra, can’t beat this advertisement for sheer cheek. Two percent of money made from selling bras going into the Gujarat Earthquake Relief Fund!

—Chhetria Patrakar