Bulletin from the battlefield

Self-proclaimed protectors of Hinduism in parts of South India have kicked up a row over inter-religious marriages, which they claim are designed to lure unsuspecting but romantic Hindu women. The media, symbolised by this 'ignorant' anchor, has added to the noise.

ANCHOR: Welcome to Krodh TV, dedicated to whipping up rage. We bring you the news before it happens. I'm Anpadh Swami, and on tonight's edition of Not Quite News our intrepid correspondents bring you reports from the frontlines of the 21st-century Indian Crusades, popularly known as Love Jihad.

Screen splits. Correspondents look crusadingly at camera.

Also, in yet another path-breaking initiative, from now on our reports will have some fact, some fiction, in keeping with the latest, cutting-edge news guidelines from the Secret Press Council – which declare that fact and fiction are extrapolations of each other … or interpolations into each other. Doesn't matter, as long as you're feeling indignant.

First, we'll have a quick recap. In Kerala, two girls who eloped with Muslim boys were found and coerced to return by their parents. They revealed they were part of a deadly Muslim terrorist conspiracy: a Love Jihad on innocent, virginal Hindu girls. The Kerala and Karnataka High Courts have ordered an investigation into this phenomenon in the interests of national security. Truly, a nation's women can be its downfall unless we are vigilante – sorry, vigilant.

In our studio is Mr Hindu Gaurav, who has a blog about Love Jihad, which means he's an expert. Your findings?

GAURAV: Each area has a zonal head who keeps watch for Hindu girls. The moment a young girl gets an easy recharge from a recharge shop in the city, her number is added to the list of targets. Thanks to the mobile revolution there are hundreds of recharge shops all over India that can assist in this. Once the number reaches a Jihadi Romeo, he will contact the girl. And then he will begin…

ANPADH: One minute – Jihadi Romeos? Are they Christian then? The name sounds very suspicious.

GAURAV: In fact, they are actually Jihadi Majnus, but they are trying to create a globalised image.

ANPADH: How do they contact the girls?

GAURAV: They use many codes. They say we sell life insurance, a code word for marriage. Or they say we sell holiday package to Goa – a well-known den of vice, code word for, Let's enjoy baby! Most marketing calls are basically from Love Jihadis.

ANPADH: My god!

GAURAV: Yes! And school- or college-girls, working women and IT professionals are the main targets.

ANPADH: Why them?

GAURAV: Anpadh, as you know, such women are coming in contact with technology, earning money, getting their education. This is giving them ideas of freedom and whatnot. I have heard such girls also send their brothers out to buy sanitary napkins. Basically, they lose all sense of shame by this feminist-influenced behaviour. Hence, they are easy targets for Muslim boys.

ANPADH: Shocking. And they are immune to Hindu boys?

GAURAV: The shameless ones are.

ANPADH: Mind-blasting! But why this Love Jihad?

GAURAV: The strategy here is to use the wombs of non-Muslim women to increase the Muslim population. Hindu women, instead of producing Hindu children, produce Muslim children, who grow up and riot against the Hindus.

ANPADH: Let us now go to Meerut. Over to our comely correspondent, Kamya.

KAMYA: Anpadh, I have with me Mr Sandeep of the VHP. Sir!

SANDEEP: These boys are all given a motorcycle and a fancy mobile, and sent to English institutes to learn a few lines. Then they wear red threads on their wrists, a tikka and take fake names to lure the girls.

KAMYA: What sort of fake names?

SANDEEP: Golu, Sonu, Babloo…

KAMYA: But these are common pet names. Could it be that they are Hindu and not Muslim?


KAMYA: Does that mean girls only fall for boys with these names when they are Muslims?

SANDEEP: Please understand, Love Jihad is organised by Lashkar-e-Toiba. They train Muslim youth to lure Hindu women to their training camps. Suicide bombs and terrorist attacks are to distract us from the real plan. They started operating during 1996, in Meerut. Now, they have reached till south.

ANPADH: How do you know this?

SANDEEP: There are many things that you cannot prove, but you just know.

ANPADH: I applaud your conviction.

KAMYA: I also have Mr Puranic, leading journalist, to share his feelings.

PURANIC: This is the fault of Hindu girls – they should not be led astray. This is due to needless freedom. How come no one is checking their mobile registers: Who called you? Where are you going? Who is financing trips to beauty parlours? There should be constant monitoring – body search if need be. Upstanding citizens should have the right to body search these girls who want freedom, and to go to pubs with Muslim boys and all – to ensure they are not going astray. With freedom must come responsibility, no?

ANPADH: Absolutely. Let us go to Mangalore to Loveleen.

LOVELEEN: I'm with Mr Muthalik of the Rama Sene. He has been rescuing victims of Love Jihad as part of his new campaign, Save our Daughters, Save India.

MUTHALIK: 3000 women have returned to the Hindus. They saw the error of their ways.

ANPADH: And could they go to anyone kinder and more understanding than you?

MUTHALIK: Correct. And we are getting each and every one to sign affidavits. You were asking for proof – 3000 affidavits we have made them sign!

ANPADH: Can we see these?

MUTHALIK: No. But we can show you pamphlets and booklets that we will be using as propaganda.

ANPADH: Fantastic! Let us now go to Lolita in Thiruvananthapuram. Who are the maximum victims of this conspiracy?

LOLITA: Nair girls.

ANPADH: What is the Nair community saying?

LOLITA: There has been no response from them as they are mostly away in the Gulf. We have asked if remittances from the Gulf to Kerala should be stopped as a way of stemming this disease, but they have ignored this question as well. However, I have with me Father Johny Kochuparambil, secretary of the Kerela Catholic Bishops Council's Commission for Social Harmony and Vigilance.

FR K: The Commission is urging Christians to be vigilant. Everyone is going on about Hindu girls. But what of the minority? Our girls are also being converted by love.

ANPADH: Are you against conversion, Father?

FR K: Only against conversion through love. Girls converting out of love – means they are betraying their menfolk, no? Whatever a man does, you must stand by him, isn't it? Currently we are getting rights to that song – "Stand by Your Man", by Tammy Wynette. We will adopt it as our anthem, and sing it as we stage marches through communities so if any girl wishes to come to us, she can.

ANPADH: Unique!

FR K: Yes, because when the girls are converted, names are changed so we cannot find them. Nobody knows what happens to these girls.

ANPADH: Now for our scoop! We have some shocking images of one such case who married out of her community.

Woman making chapattis while husband reads newspaper with his feet up. She yells at him to take his shower before lunch. He says, "Later", and takes a sip of beer.

ANPADH: As you can see, the woman is being treated like chattel. Have you ever seen such a thing elsewhere? Women cook while men relax! Viewers can leave responses to this visual expose on our website, www.notquitenews.com. Until next time – good night, and stay vigilant.

~ Paromita Vohra is a Bombay-based filmmaker and writer.

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