Camouflage the Taj

So they're going to cover the Taj Mahal in a bed sheet. Good move. It shows there are some people in the political leadership of the north Indian plains who still have their wits about them even as they go in for the Uttar Pradesh elections.

After all, the Monument of Love stands like a beacon in the Jamuna plains: pointing enemy bombers even on a full moon night directly to the heart of India's defence assets. As tailors and textile workers across Uttar Pradesh are racing against clock trying to stitch together king-size bedsheets, can we make a humble suggestion, without putting down their patriotic endeavours?

Why not just do the Taj Mahal over with camouflage paint? This would be more effective than having to heave the heavy canvas over the monument every time General Pervez gives a defiant roar from across the Line of Control. Speaking of which, and come to think of it, remember that detailed reckky the general did of the Taj environs during the scuppered Agra Summit? Now we know, feigning to pose on the love seat with his begum, Sahba, asking questions about the marble inlay at the entrance, General Pervez actually had an evil eye out for the monument.

You ask, why would anyone Islamic want to pulverise Shah Jahan's creation, the monument that would have been the one-and-only icon of the 'land of the pure' had it been on the banks of the Ravi instead of the Jamuna? "Jealousy!" says Murli the Manohar. He continues, "They are just jealous that we have the Taj and not they. They can't stand us. Alternatively, there is our illustrous Hindutva history which claims that the Taj was actually a mandir maliciously converted into a mausoleum. No wonder they would want to bomb it! Alternatively, the Taj stands on the ruins of one of the greatest Hindu temples on the Jamuna. Maybe, therefore, we should bomb the' Taj."

The last time we saw Murli the Manohar, he was squelching along the muddy banks of the Jamuna ghats, hands on his chin, and saying, "Hmmmm." In his cellphone, he was trying to find the number for Dial-a-Historian.

But back to the Taj, Sri Govindacharya, sir, can we suggest that camouflaging the edifice would cheaper and less time-consuming? Confused enemy bomber pilots sent to search out and destroy with daisy cutters and cluster bombs would be completely flummoxed, wouldn't be able to figure out where the hell they are, and may actually surrender in swarms. While we are at it, why stop at the Mumtaz's Makbara? Similar tactitcs can be used for other monuments across India's strategic corridors that need to be disguised in order to outwit the enemy.

Stealth and surprise, these are the two elements of warfare that we need to pay attention to. Some of these monuments are right there in Delhi: Rastrapati Bhavan can be disguised as the Taj Mahal, which would fool copy-cat suicide attackers in future, and the Qutub Minar could get a new facade to make it resemble an intercontinental ballistic missile -now that should really disorient the enemy which thinks it is too smart by half

Top Gun to Base: "Passing waypoint Taj Mahal. Vectored on ICBM placement."

Base to Top Gun: "Roger. Launch two big ones on ICBM and get out of there low and fast."

Thus would we protect the Taj Mahal from enemy attacks.