Man Bites Dog

An angry metro resident bit off a dog´s ear in the wee-wee hours of the new millennium, saying that he was prevented from enjoying his sleep by its (the dog´s) all night long howling.

The Golden Retriever told police that he had this sudden urge to howl at the brightest moon in 133 years when an irate human emerged out of the .darkness and, without provocation, started shouting abuses at him.

"The moon just kept getting brighter, and I couldn´t control myself anymore," the dog told this reporter on condition of anonymity. The two-legged naked ape then came out and allegedly wrestled the Retriever to the ground, biting off a postage stamp size chunk off his right ear in the process.

In the emergency room of a local vet, the heavily bandaged dog said: "I have heard dogs biting men, but not of men biting dogs. There should be a law against it."

The severed ear, which was retrieved by an alert passerby, arrived at the prestigious Dogmandu General Hospital soon after the patient. But it could not be reattached to the dog´s head because of its mangled condition. According to unusually-reliable medical sources who declined to be named despite repeated requests, the dog will be permanently disfigured, and may also suffer a hearing impairment of sounds in the very-high frequency range.

Meanwhile, the alleged perpetrator has been remanded in custody by a Dogmandu Magistrate. Highly-placed police sources said he was in an advanced stage of intoxication with bits of fur still stuck to his front teeth when apprehended. The hair has been sent for DNA analysis.

The dog´s relatives said they had already been in contact with prosecution lawyers to begin legal proceedings against the man, who will be sued for grievous bodily harm and mental strain.
The man´s family said neighbourhood dogs were in the habit of enjoying loud late-night parties to commemorate the unusually bright full-moon. Last night´s party was raucous even by neighbourhood standards because of the millennium, they added.

Said one neighbour: "Poor man, all that howling just got too much for him."

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