Culture > Freedom Limited
9 COMMENTS
  • P

    Well written Anj didi…I prefer to be the bad modern girl than a typical Nepali good girl 😉

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for this well written and very well thought out article. It touches upon a lot of important issues and really hits home for me. Like many fellow Nepalis, I went to pursue my higher education abroad for undergraduate and graduate levels but once I reached my late 20s the social pressure to get married was at an all time high. So, I agreed to an arranged marriage with no courtship period only to later find out that my husband, parents-in-laws, and sisters-in-law were supporting these archaic and regressive sociocultural norms. In fact, in my personal experience, it is often women, even the educated ones, who enforce and perpetuate these gender stereotypes. In my case, it started out with them demanding dowry and constantly belittling my family’s socioeconomic status. But, it slowly devolved into other forms of abuse such as physical violence, intimidation, threats, coercion, humiliation, and unreasonable demands made towards me and my family members if I did not play by their rules. I have since sought help and have separated from my husband and his family. Hope that as more people share their different perspectives, we can freely discuss it in an open forum rather than sweep it under the rug. It is critical that we not just educate and inform young girls but also empower them with the knowledge that they need not necessarily follow society’s dictates and that another way of life is possible.

  • Sanchita rana

    Hatsoff to all the ladies who had shown courage to speakout and respecting her dignity by saying no to violence against women….its in our hand dont take bullshit…..be yrself…..be confident….we have equal right ….???

  • JJoshi

    I am married to a wonderful man who doesn’t think its cool of him to work in the kitchen. He thinks its natural and Nepali men are spoiled by their mothers. He is sort of a head cook in our family and I am more of a helper. The irony here is his mother who brought him up to think like that now has a problem with him helping me in the kitchen. There are many instances like that. I have to admit, when I got married I did receive a ‘reverse cultural shock’.

  • Nepalicheli

    A well-thought article describing the problems “modern” women has to go through in Nepal.

    I am also a girl who grew up in Kathmandu. I had got married abroad because I met my husband here. He is from Terai region. After our year of marriage, we decided to visit Nepal and meet family and relatives. When I went to my husband’s home for the first time,from the very next day, I was expected to prepare food for the immediate family members of six including myself (mostly for the morning and evening meals).
    I have a travelling sickness so I started feeling uncomfortable as soon as I reached there. Since I could not adapt to the new environment, I got sick. First, I had a severe cold, followed by an eye infection and lastly diarrhea. Within my 2 weeks stay there, I never got any rest because I had to do household chores for the family. I was lucky that my husband helped me for cooking and washing dishes I did but since I got no actual rest, I was still sick until I left for Kathmandu. I recovered much more when I actually stayed in my home in Kathmandu.

    I was and I am still in shock from the fact that I was not allowed to rest entire time, even though I did not feel well the whole time. I do not know if I ever plan to visit next time, I would go or not. Thinking about that 1st experience, I get very scared and I try to question myself, what if I get sick again?

  • Nepali woman

    I am a “modern” Nepali woman. Grew up in Ktm. And I was shocked when my mother-in-law who wanted a modern daughter-ni-law started demanding bigger sized gold coins, bigger sets of Jewllery etc for the wedding. The financial harassment did not stop after the wedding. It was ridiculous! When I told her I did not like her asking me for money all the time, her reply was “if you’re not doing anything for us, take us and throw us out on the footpath”. It was disgusting! Worst part was that many thought this was normal and that I was breaking up a family by taking a stand against all this.
    Today I have cut off ties with her, and have taken back the gold that she demanded from my family. I WISH I could openly talk about this. You might be able to get away with harassing 10 daughter-in-laws.. But one will come along like me. Who will not tolerate being asked to go back to your father to ask for more money after the wedding. And then good luck! You will lose much more than what you ever imagined possible.
    I know I’ve changed the mindset of my sister-in-law and mother-in-law who thought that a husband’s side of the family could get away with anything. I just wish more girls would have the courage to stand for themselves and not become another generation of women who clip the wings of the younger women. Sad!

  • rosi

    Hi Anjana,
    very well written article .
    Last pic in easle was of our wedding.
    Glad it came to some use .
    regards
    Rosi Greene

  • Nishma

    A very well thought article …..a reality of women in kathmandu.

  • Rijan Lal Mulmi

    A truly apt reflection of the current scenario of women in Nepalese society. I hope this article gets the attention it deserves and eventually gains enough momentum to generate a substantial shift in the gender paradigm in Nepalese society. It would be really interesting to get inputs from the skeptics and the patriarchs in the Nepali politics and even the general Nepalese population.
    Shout out to the issue of citizenship in the name of mother, it is very easy to overlook the issue and strange how easily it is taken for granted by everyone.

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