Spider/Man

A certain recluse took his seclusion to its utmost to absolutely shun fellow beings. However, he could not kill his inherent compulsion to talk. He desperately wished there was someone or something to talk to.

He used to be, during his gregarious days, a teacher, and that was what he was good for. He thought that he would teach something to something to speak—maybe an animal, or bird or even an insect. He knew how difficult an endeavour it would be. Nevertheless, his search began for a possible candidate.

Parrots and mynahs he found rather stale and dull and bereft of reason who inevitably ended up in a cage, after all the cleverness in imitating human sounds. (He had an uneasy suspicion of kinship with these birds). He ruled out dogs and cats also because the one he knew to be too servile and the other overly self-willed. Besides, his resources were too slender to feed these ravenous beasts.

Finally he noticed that his house, due to lack of cleanliness, offered him with a wide variety of spiders. He had a great respect for them and they reminded him of glorious things such as how Robert Bruce regained his confidence to win the war; and how these creatures concealed the mouth of a cave by spinning a thick web to save the Prophet from his pursuers. There is talk that he was later betrayed by the lizard, but that's another story.

He chose a fairly young spider and set about the arduous task of educating the web-spinner. Days passed, weeks and months. Their incredible zeal made them oblivious to time. He thought that he would not indulge in regular normal conversation with the insect unless it really became worthy of being talked to and stood up to its benign myth. So till then, there were lessons, lessons and lessons.

At last the spider appeared for the examinations and got through with flying colours. The teacher just could not believe his own powers to teach. And now, since the spider had graduated and was fluent in human speech, the teacher thought that it was time for their first conversation.

"Hello, Spider! How old are you?"

"Hello, sir. My name is not spider. And we don't count our age."

"Now that you can talk to humans, do you find yourself emancipated?"

"It was amusing learning your language. I am quite pleased today that I can communicate with you."

"That's fine. Well, tell me something about your past."

"We were born sixty five brothers and sisters. It was under your bed that we saw the light of the day. Then we ate our mother…"

"Wait …wait, wait. What are you talking about? You don't eat your mother."

"Of course we do," the spider looked at him incredulously and then continued, "There were altogether thirty three sisters. I was the luckiest to have managed to copulate with seven of them. All of them have been eaten by my sons and daughters. Other sisters too, got eaten. For that matter my brothers are also dead. You trampled two of them. Twenty were flushed down the toilet after they were brushed off the walls along with their dwellings. By the way, you ate one with your soup last night."

The man suppressed something in his throat.

"Well. That's it. I don't know about the others. About myself, you know everything now. Oh! Please wait a second, sir. My webs are shaking. Yes, there! A fly. My favourite, good. Sir, may I go for my dinner? I have to know more about you also. Sir?… Sir!… Where are you going? Are you angry with me?"

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Himal Southasian
www.himalmag.com