Tidbits of the region’s media

This New Year, sellout sales abound. Chicanery packages can be purchased at bribery rates. Just give us your specifications: number of columns, stories, and images; colour or no colour; extent of approbation and/or intensity of aspersion and we'll get you the PR that you need. Revelations of the media getting paid to popularise politicians during elections in India has gained interest since P Sainath pointed out the news misuse in an article in the Hindu. Outlook magazine later covered the outrage, publishing first-hand accounts from members of the accused establishments, like that of Haryana Chief Minister Bhupinder Singh Hooda: "When I noticed the leading paper of my state printing baseless reports on its front page day after day, I called them up and offered money to print the right picture." While a useful solution to defamation, Chettria Patrakar couldn't be sold for gold, especially at the cost of the critic's thrill.

In other exhilarating activities, CP almost went tyre burning instead of writing mediafile this month, together with all those raging Nepali students who raised havoc on the streets of Birgunj. According to a headline in The Himalayan Times, "Students organise bandh to protest bandh culture". Having polished their shoes, ironed their shirts and packed their lunches for another day of riotous mis-education, students arrived at the Church of Learning to find that the only thing being demonstrated that day was how to hold a demonstration. Out of study for more than four days because of bandhs of various sorts, the neophytes did a good job of rebellion, even surrounding the District Administration Office. Oh, what kids learn in school these days…

On the subject of positive conditioning, the Maldives should probably get a back massage with all the pats it has been getting from the UN, journalist's associations and human-rights spokesmen since decriminalising defamation. The People's Majlis passed the bill, voting 34 against 7 for freeing the libel-ation of speech. Both those for and against cited Sharia law. Only this year, after years of candid calumny, did Prosecutor General Ahmed Muiz, enforce hearings for cases of slander as a criminal offence. Luckily for him, now that articles 150 to 166 of the Penal Code dealing with defamation have been nullified, he can save the administrative expense.

Spending is happening in other places though. In a fascist frenzy, Hitler's Mein Kampf is selling like it is still propaganda in the Subcontinent, running a noose around the Aryan race theory. In Bangladesh, the book is being enwrap-tured and gifted for Eid. Peddlers on the streets of Dhaka have become pro-sell-ytisers for the book and other fast-selling items such as pirated copies of Barack Obama's The Audacity of Hope and Arundhati Roy's The God of Small Things. Worryingly, Hitler's voice is hailing followers among the aspiring business leaders of India as well, with myopic buyers seeing it as a replicable management strategy guide and inspiring self-help book.

The US army could have used some strategic advice. Achilles only had to worry about his heel, but the military's predator drones have the exposed skies to wary of, especially when sinisterly-named software like SkyGrabber that can tap into video feeds from the drones are easily available in the market. One would have expected it to take more than USD 26 and a slight bit of ingenuity to hack technology used by the most expensive military in the world. Aware of the lapse in security, the US droned on, leaving predator's prey-ers unheard and unhurt over a drawn out several months. The Penta-gaffers are now rushing to encrypt their video footage.

Watching other news footage, with the amount of hot air coming out of the climate chats in Copenhagen, CP's thermometer has seen an unprecedented rise in mercury. All the signs pointed towards disaster: negotiation meltdowns of glacial proportions, uncertainty in weather or not a decent compromise would be reached, and the media flooded by rising rambling. Nepal sent nine journalists to accompany their 38-strong delegation to Copenhagen, plus the many more travelling through other channels. Unlike Nepal, where climate change has made front-page, prime time news, Pakistan has more pressing things to worry about. CC barely makes it to the back pages of its papers, and only one Pakistani journalist toured the junket, that too on private scholarship.

In Pakistan, those nostalgic for Musharraf-esque media whipping, may have felt a slight rush after hearing of Zardari's recent ban of a talk-show. He managed to assure Dubai that 'Meray Mutabiq', the popular show on Geo TV, anchored by Shahid Masood was not fit for broadcast. In defiance, Masood broadcast his show from a different location, even reporting on corruption at the presidential level. Faced with harsh media back home, Zardari is reaching out through the international media, recently publishing an Op-Ed in the New York Times, titled 'How to mend fences with Pakistan'. Sounds like counsel he could give himself.

Unfortunately, recommendations aren't always worth listening to, including that of MP Shantaram Naik from Goa on the matter of an alleged rape of a 25-year-old Russian by state politician John Fernandes. "An alleged rape of a lady who moves with strangers for days together even beyond the middle of the night is to be treated on a different footing," he droned. Sure, blame it on the floozy ways of tourists, on the prattling papers or on whatever made sexy natural, and soon enough, those harassing harassment cases would lose license. He went on to say "If we go by electronic media coverage of recent times, it appears that nothing happens except incidents of rape." Nothing else, eh? Did Naik miss the anniversary of Sachin Tendulkar's 20 years in cricket?

ECS media, the publishing house that services expatriates and anglophone Nepalis through its monthly magazine ECS Nepal and ECS Living, is coming out with a new publication, Healthy Life. Concerned about their readers, a mini-promotional issue styled on the slightly better-known Reader's Digest, reveals what people already know –a low-fat, stress-free, no-smoke, aerobic lifestyle reduces the risk of heart disease and improves general feeling of well-being. But CP is no critic here, knowing full well the value of being told things one already knows. With health comes wealth, and so the business cycle goes.

There's another newbie in the monthlies club with ambitious plans to bridge societal gaps in Bhutan through in-depth and comprehensive coverage. In its first 101 pages, Drukpa will, fittingly for a young publication, focus on issues that confront the youth. Editor-in-chief of the publication, Tashi P Wangdi, is former editor for the Bhutan Times, the weekly that faced a string of resignations two months back, and is now outsourcing its reporting to private company K4 Media, also a creative consultant for Drukpa. While discussion forums rage on about the sacrilege of naming a money-making business with the acronym used to designate Bhutan's beloved fourth King, the absconded journalists have gone ahead and published a weekly of their own, The Journalist. Playing it safe in the land of the happy.

But other inheritance stories don't always end as well. With all its deviant princesses having siphoned out its bounty, no wonder Nigeria no longer holds the monopoly for get-rich-quick schemes. Ever the generous journalist, CP would like unsoliciting readers to know of where the real money lies. A sergeant Nelson Dillon has found some money in Baqubah, Iraq and would you "please find a safe place where the funds can be sent to, because Iraq is a war zone." Oh, is it!? Given the number of unsafe war zones in Southasia, we must be a treasure trove for unregulated drainage of cash. CP has some bargains to offer: having stolen Krishna's flute, a deposit account to blackmail the blue deity is in need. CP also followed Lakshmi to the source of her wealth but can only transfer the goods out electronically. Simply send your bank account details to chhetria@patrakar.com Transfers only permissible to accounts with reserves of more than one Crore. No guarantee of money or protection against theft.  – Chhetria Patrakar