Hello and welcome to the latest round-up of the Bizarre Newspaper Headline Contest. Here are today's awards…
1. Worst Pun in Headline Award
Winner: Express Tribune, reporting on April 25 about a visiting cyclist from Holland who had his treasured racing bicycle stolen, and recovered, in Hyderabad:
"Nether mess with someone from the Dutch lands"
(Twice in a row. ET seems to be on a roll with this category.)
2. Inappropriately Wistful Headline Award
Winner: Express Tribune, reporting on April 13 about the possible cause for the fall in the number of major suicide and fidayeen attacks:
"Where have all the suicide bombers gone?
Honorable Mention: Express Tribune, reporting April 28 on the arrest of Mumtaz Hussain alias Munna, allegedly one of Karachi's most notorious hitmen (not available on the web but on main Karachi page of the print edition):
"One of the city's best target killers arrested"
But lest anyone go away with the impression that it's only the good folk over at Express Tribune who don't always read their own paper…I've saved the best for the last. But first, let me set the stage here.
About three weeks ago, a friend from Islamabad had alerted me to this hilarious knee-slapper in The News. Unfortunately, although people in Lahore informed me that they too had the privilege of feasting their eyes on it in their city, I could not find it in the Karachi edition of the paper – which has plenty of goof-ups of its own, just not this particular one.
Of course, as pointed out once earlier, it seems the epaper on the web is basically the Karachi edition , so this blooper is not accessible on the net either. Basically, I had to wait for one of our lazy friends in Islamabad or Lahore to get round to either scanning the paper or sending me the original. I am happy to report that daer aaye, durust aaye, the original Lahore edition from April 6 has finally made it into my hands. And thus I can regale you with…
3. Reporter's Moaning as Headline Award
Winner: The News, hands down, for Part 5 of a seemingly exhaustive multi-part Special Report by reporter Amir Mateen, analysing the internal political culture of the three main political parties:
"Don't have the energy to see it again"
And that's all from the BNH Contest for now. See you next time.